Algebra and Citrus Fruits
by Hatake
Summary: Ever wonder what the characters would REALLY think if they found ff.net? (short self-insertion)
1. Why would someone write about algebra an...

Algebra and Citrus Fruits  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. AND NEITHER DO ANY OF YOU! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!  
  
A/N: They're all just friends. JUST FRIENDS. This story has no pairings what-so-ever.  
  
  
  
'"Heero, I love you so much"  
  
"I know. I love you too."  
  
Under the serene glaze of moonlight'  
  
He threw his laptop across the room, angrily.  
  
"DUO!"  
  
"Whaaat?" whined the American, climbing up the stairs of one of the many safehouses the pilots seemed to live in, and into the room. "I didn't do anything…yet!"  
  
"How many e-mail addresses do you have?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Just answer the question!"  
  
Duo cocked his head to one side. "Umm…a lot. I have one of my own, then a bunch I used to pull pranks: shinigami@L2colony.com, perfectsoldier@L1colony.com, desertnoble@L4colony.com, silentclown@L3colony.com, solitarydragon@L5colony.com, peaceprincess1@cinq.com-"  
  
"You mean YOU'RE the person sending me stupid e-mails and signing them 'Relena'?"  
  
Duo blinked. "Oops. You weren't supposed to know that. Why'd you ask?"  
  
Heero walked over to where his computer lay and picked it back up. He pointed to the screen. "This site will only let you register one username per e-mail address. Did YOU write all these stories?"  
  
Duo grabbed the laptop and stared at it. "Hey, ff.net! I LOVE this site! Have you ever watched Neon Genesis Evangelion?! The fanfictions are GRE-"  
  
"No, idiot, not there." Heero pointed to a visited link further up the page than 'Evangelion'. "THAT section."  
  
Duo clicked on the link and skimmed through a few story descriptions. "Why do these people like algebra and citrus fruits so much?"  
  
"Duo, it's not algebra, and those AREN'T citrus fruits."  
  
"Whadd'ya mean? See this one? 1xR, lemon. They like algebra and citrus fruits!"  
  
"Duo?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"It's NOT algebra, and they AREN'T citrus fruits. Think for a second. We know a person whose name begins with 'R'. Who would that be?"  
  
"Relena."  
  
"Yes. And who's pilot 01?"  
  
Duo paused for a moment, then started laughing. "So they wrote a story where you and Relena are a pair of citrus fruits in love with each other?!"  
  
"NO."  
  
Duo clicked on the link for the story. "It says you have to be at least seventeen to read it. Should I click 'OK' or 'cancel'?"  
  
"You idiot. They don't ever check how old you are."  
  
"Okay!" Duo clicked on the link and started to read the story. Halfway through he turned to his Japanese friend and went 'awwwww, how sweet!' Then he got towards the end. You know, where the 'lemon' parts usually come in. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF SHINIGAMI?!"  
  
"See?"  
  
"That is NOT RIGHT. NOT RIGHT!"  
  
"This is just as bad." Heero clicked 'back' and scrolled down to another story.  
  
"I see more math."  
  
"Duo?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"It's not math."  
  
"Yuh-huh! 1x2=2! Any idiot knows that!"  
  
"Duo?"  
  
"Yessss?"  
  
"Who's pilot 01?"  
  
Duo laughed. "You mean you forgot who you were? It's you!"  
  
"Who's pilot 02?"  
  
Duo stopped laughing. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF SHINIGAMI?!"  
  
"See?"  
  
"That is NOT RIGHT. NOT RIGHT!"  
  
"That's just the beginning of all this crap."  
  
Duo shuddered. "Hey look, this one doesn't have an algebra problem on it. And it's humorous!"  
  
Heero groaned. "Those are the worst ones. Don't read them."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You pull enough pranks as it is without getting ideas from outside sources."  
  
Duo blinked. "Hey, Heero?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Should I even ask what 1x13 is?"  
  
Heero grabbed the computer and read through the description, startled. "Different 1. That's Lady Une. Not me."  
  
"Okay, but who's 13?"  
  
"Duo, you really are an idiot."  
  
"No, I just have special needs." Duo thought for a second. "Treize! Wait, if he died, how can he be paired with anyone?"  
  
Heero turned off the computer and shut it. "This is stupid."  
  
"But you should show that to everybody else! What if someone suddenly walks up to them in the middle of the street and says something stupid?"  
  
"You do that on your own."  
  
"Ha ha. Very funny. I'm serious!"  
  
"Call the newspaper."  
  
"Why? So we can tell all these psychotic authors to stop writing these stories?"  
  
"No, so we can tell them that you're being serious."  
  
"I repeat, 'ha ha. Very funny.' What are you going to do about it?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Why's that?"  
  
"Because we live in a parallel universe to those most of the fanfiction authors live in. There's no danger of-"  
  
"Hiya!" A red-headed girl popped out of nowhere, wearing shorts and a T-shirt that proclaimed 'My only fear is going sane.'  
  
Duo blinked. "Who are you?"  
  
"My name's Hatake!" replied the girl. "I'm a fanfiction author!"  
  
The two pilots stared at her in disbelief.  
  
"Awww…" cooed Hatake at the two sitting on the floor, "so cute!"  
  
"You're…you're one of those people who like to write about math problems, aren't you?!" asked Duo, pointing a finger wildly.  
  
"Not math problems!" yelled both Heero and Hatake.  
  
Hatake held out Heero's laptop, which she had taken from him in the moment of surprise that had followed her arrival. "I just got the COOLEST plot bunny!" she started typing. "Let's see…NC-17…lemon…1x2…"  
  
"Give me back my laptop!" Heero lunged for the computer, and snatched it away from the red-headed girl.  
  
"He-ey!" whined Hatake. "I was typing!"  
  
"That was close."  
  
"Okay then. I'll have to write something worse to get back at you all!" Hatake pointed her own finger at the two pilots. "Fanfiction.net doesn't even have a rating for it! The only thing worse than the NC-17 rating…the X rating! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!" She vanished in a whirlwind of golden fish.  
  
"This isn't good," said Duo as he brushed a golden fish off his lap.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Somewhere in the vicinity of a computer, drastic changes were being made upon their universe. Temporary, yes, but drastic nonetheless.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Duo…" the Prussian blue eyed teen crossed the room and locked the door.  
  
  
A/N: GWAHAHAHAHAAA! Moral of the story? Don't mess with a fanfiction author if you happen to be limburger cheese. I mean a character. *bashes self in head* Limburger cheese and characters are NOT the same thing, Hatake! 


	2. Why would someone write a story about lu...

Algebra and Citrus Fruits  
  
Chapter Two-Revealing the Pairings to Raberba  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing.  
  
  
Quatre sat crosslegged in the middle of the living room, typing on his own laptop. Believe it or not, he was quite the little Magic Knight Rayearth fanfiction author, and enjoyed ff.net as much as all the rest of us.  
  
"Geez…" he said as he uploaded another chapter, "I really HATE this new way of managing stories!"  
  
After getting EXTREMELY frustrated with the website, Quatre went Zero and threw the computer across the room. It bounced around and moved through several webpages before coming to a rest in the fireplace.  
  
Becoming normal Quatre again, Quatre picked up the laptop and looked at the area it was now in.  
  
"3x4?" he wondered aloud as he noticed a description of one story. "Why in the Earth Sphere would someone write a story about lumber sizes?"  
  
He scrolled down and noticed another story.  
  
"4xD? I've never heard of that lumber size before," said Quatre. Duo ran down the stairs, screaming his head off.  
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
  
"Duo, what's wrong?!"  
  
The American tripped over the last step and went sprawling into the side of the couch. "THE HORROR! THE HORROR!"  
  
"What is it?!" Quatre stood up from the place he was sitting and walked over to the braided boy.  
  
"I never thought I would see something so awful…" muttered Duo. "That's not right…"  
  
"What is it?!"  
  
"Fan…fanfiction…dot…fanfiction dot…fanfiction.net…"  
  
Quatre blinked. "Ff.net? I love that site! I'm MagicKnightRaberba!" --A/N: I don't think someone really has that penname. If they do, they're not Quatre.--  
  
It was Duo's turn to blink. "But…but…have you read the Gundam Wing fanfictions?"  
  
"No. I only read and write Magic Knight Rayearth fanfictions. What's so bad about the Gundam Wing fanfictions?" asked Quatre.  
  
"It's horrible…it's horrible…" said Duo as he stood up and caught his breath. Then he turned to the reader. "GUNDAM WING IS ABOUT DEATH AND WAR AND POLITICS! NOT LOVE! DEATH AND WAR AND POLITICS! DEATH, DEATH, DEATH, DEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHH!"  
  
"Duo…?" asked Quatre, confused. "What are you talking about?"  
  
Duo grabbed Quatre's laptop and pointed to the screen. "There! Right there! 4xD!"  
  
"Yes, I thought it was an odd lumber size as well," replied Quatre.  
  
"IT'S NOT A LUMBER SIZE!" roared Duo. "It's a pairing!"  
  
"A penguin?" asked Quatre.  
  
"No, a PAIRING! Okay. Whose name begins with a 'D'?"  
  
"Deikim."  
  
"Besides him."  
  
"Darlain!"  
  
"FIRST NAME!"  
  
"Dorothy."  
  
"Right. Now, who's pilot 04?"  
  
"Me."  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
Quatre paused for a moment while he let it all sink in. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF MAGANAC?!"  
  
"See?"  
  
"THAT'S NOT RIGHT! NOT RIGHT!"  
  
"Wanna see something just as bad?" Duo scrolled up the page. "There. 3x4."  
  
"More lumber?"  
  
"Quatre, you're not stupid. Who's pilot 04?"  
  
"I am."  
  
"Who's pilot 03?"  
  
Quatre blinked. "TROWA?!"  
  
"What?" asked Trowa from the other room.  
  
"Yeah," replied Duo.  
  
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF MAGANAC?!"  
  
Duo nodded. "People are strrraaannggeee."  
  
They were pelted by a whirlwind of golden fish.  
  
"I guess we're having fish for lunch," said Quatre.  
  
"GWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!" Duo dived behind the couch.  
  
"Excuse me, who are you?" asked Quatre.  
  
"I am Hatake, the great yaoi author! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!" She noticed that Quatre wasn't quivering in fear. "What's wrong with you? I said I was a fanfiction author!"  
  
Quatre shrugged. "So am I."  
  
"WHAAT?! That takes all the fun out of everything! How am I supposed to have any fun if you aren't scared of me?!"  
  
Quatre blinked. "Do you want me to be scared of you?"  
  
"Well, yeah! Do you have any IDEA what I could write about you?"  
  
Quatre thought for a moment. "Technically, you're a character right now too. Do you have any idea what I could write about YOU?"  
  
Hatake smirked. "True, but you're too nice to do so."  
  
Quatre smacked his head. "Damn logic…"  
  
Hatake cackled and disappeared in a whirlwind of golden fish.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The world began to shift and change again  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Quatre, are you alright?" asked Duo, peeking out from behind the couch.  
  
Quatre didn't answer. He stood in the middle of the room, dazed.  
  
"Q-man?"  
  
Quatre ran into the other room.  
  
  
A/N: Dunno if you remembered, but Trowa's in the other room. ^_~ 


End file.
